Three Angry Men – Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

In the story of the Parable of the Prodigal Son,* there is a minor character that we don’t get to meet until the end of the story. After the prodigal is welcomed home by his father, his dad throws a party for him. The older brother is out in the field and is incensed that his wayward brother should be honored in this way. Even when his father comes out to him to beg him to come into the party he refuses. I think it is safe to say that the older brother was angry.

Our definition of anger in “Anger’s Cause” goes like this:

“Anger is the feeling that results from an imbalance between our expectations and the situation we find ourselves in.”

The older brother expected that the younger brother would get what is coming to him. After all, he had demanded that his father give him half the estate and then ran off and squandered it. Who knows what he did with all that money! Then he has the nerve to come home and ask for a job from his dad.

I suppose that the older brother would have been okay with seeing his wayward brother put to work in the fields. That would have served him right. But then dad turns around and gives him a new robe, sandals and a ring. Then he does the unexpected: he throws a party for the brat.

The anger felt by the older brother is a sign of hurt. There is an imbalance between his expectations and the situation he finds himself in. He expected his faithfulness would earn his father’s respect. Instead, his father seems to take everything he does for granted.

In another story, the story of Cain and Abel,** two brothers bring their offerings to God. Cain, the older brother again, brings his offering to the Lord and expects that it will be good enough. But God is not pleased with Cain’s offering. To make matters worse, God is very pleased with the offering of his younger brother, Abel. To this God says to Cain:

“Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4: 6b-7)

Once again there is an imbalance between expectations and reality. The warning is not heeded. Worse, Cain decides to take his frustration out on his brother. Being accepted isn’t good enough. He kills Abel thinking that no one will know. But God sees everything.

Genesis 27 tells the story of a third pair of brothers. Esau the older and Jacob the younger seem destined for conflict. Even before they are born they wrestle in the womb. By the end of the chapter (verse 41) Esau has murder on his mind:

“Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, ‘The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.’”

Esau’s frustration was that he expected to be treated like the oldest. When his brother Jacob ends up with his blessing and his birthright he is angry. In this case, the two are reconciled after many years. Jacob offers many gifts and gentle words to turn his brother’s wrath away.

Application: When frustration or anger poke you in the ribs, check your expectations. Are they realistic? Are they even reasonable?

Food for Thought: If you could talk to these three men; the Prodigal’s older brother, Cain, and Esau, is there anything you could say that would help ease their pain?

* Luke 15: 11-32, ** Genesis 4: 1-16