Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands …
Summary: The instruction for women to “love their husbands” can be understood and misunderstood. What Paul means is not about romance, it is about friendship.
What do you think of when you read the words of today’s passage? Do images of torrid romance come to mind? Do you imagine a woman so in love with her husband that she wants nothing else but to make him happy?
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. Song of Solomon 2:3-5
The passions described in the Song of Solomon have almost nothing to do with what Paul is talking about.
As we have discussed many times here, the word “love” has many meanings. In English, we use it for everything. The word applies to cars as well as the biological mechanics of a marriage relationship. In this case, the original language is referring to a very particular kind of “love.”
Paul is saying that he wants the younger women to learn to be a friend to their husbands. He wants them to think kindly of their husbands and wish them well.
I remember meeting a woman once, long ago, who had been divorced for several years. She bragged that after her divorce, she talked all her neighbors into getting a divorce, too. I don’t know if she was being serious, but it sounded like everyone on her street had not only wished ill of their husbands but wished them clean out of the house.
Influence over others is a powerful, sometimes intoxicating force. Paul is not selling roses and valentines. What he is advocating is much more down-to-earth. He wants the older women to advocate for healthy marriage relationships. Not as a one-way street where one party gives everything to the benefit of the other. Rather, Paul envisions a two-way street where husband and wife care for each other at least as well as they care for anyone they call a friend.
Application: Look for opportunities to encourage those in your circle of influence to care for each other.
Food for Thought: How can we “urge” someone else in a certain behavior?
There are a number of means of persuasion which can be effective at various times and circumstances. I believe that setting an excellent example is probably the most important, effective and honorable way in which to set the stage if words are necessary at times.
In John 13:15 Jesus says He set an example of service by washing His disciples feet.. In 1Corinthians 11:1 the apostle Paul says follow my example as I follow Christ’s example. In Ephesians 5: 1 Paul says follow God’s example in the way we love one another ❤, and walk in the way of love.
Other verses from Paul, Peter, James, John, the author of Hebrews all point to the power of example lived out both positive and negative ( Phillippians 3:17, 2 Thessalonians 3:7, 1 Timothy 4: 12, Titus 4: 12, James 5: 10, Hebrews 137-8, Peter 2: 21, 2 Peter 5: 3 [to elders], 1 John 3: 23-24).
The author of Hebrews spends Chapter 11, healding men and women of faith, and says none of them received what was promised. They are witnesses Chapter 12 says to urge on on and fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author, and Perfecter of our faith. If we are pursuing Him and urging others to do the same, Christ’s example is our guide.
So no matter what the relationship, and no matter what the appropriate type of love should be shown in a given circumstance, service-oriented, sacrificial, brotherly or sisterly, friendship, respectful, romantic ect. we around set an example first before we speak or teach about it for maximum effect and success.😇
I am going to leave comments on other means of urging or refinements to others.
Just a thought – Honey or something sweet is more pleasant to the taste than vinegar. A sweet or pleasant aroma or perfume is a more attractive aroma than a foul, noxious stench.
So I would recommend being sweet and kind to your spouse 💘, your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, community, strangers, tax- collectors, enemies, non-believers, people who hate you, and even corrupt, dishonest individuals who have power over you. Could there possibly be a politician or two who falls in this classification, (?). 😩I will leave this to your own conscience or judgment.
Be Blessed and follow Christ’s example. It seems hypocritical to do otherwise.
Jeff,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts this morning! An “excellent example” is indeed a powerful tool for leading others.
The word for urge (sophron) can also be translated as encourage or train.
I agree with Jeff that one way to train another is by modeling the behavior for them. In fact, I would think this is necessary.
Another way to think of this urging or training is as discipleship. The older woman can take the younger under their wings and invest in them and disciple them to love their husbands. This would have the opposite impact as the woman in your devotion that encouraged others to get a divorce.
Rich,
Thank you for pointing out the meaning of sophron! (That was so phrondly of you! 🙂 )
I like the way you equate Paul’s meaning with discipling someone.
How can we “urge” someone else in a certain behavior?
God humbled Himself, cloaked Himself in the body of a man and walked among us as the perfect servant, an example for all. He was not teaching us by words only, He was teaching us by His words and His actions. Today we are called to humble ourselves and allow Christ in us to minister to others by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Before we begin ministering, “urging others” we need to urge ourselves. We must empty ourselves of self interest and allow Christ to use us. The thoughts in our hearts must become purified by God, as we seek Gods honorable, pure will over our own. We allow God to transform us by the renewal of our mind so we can know what is good, acceptable and perfect in His will as we become Christ like, “Like Christ”, not only our words but in our thoughts and actions.
Philippians 2:5-7, 4:8, Colossians 3:17
Our eyes will move off ourselves and onto others as we seek to first clearly understand who they really are by listening to their words and actions, rather than being critical. We give who they are a priority “over urging change”, as we seek to encourage inner growth over drastic change. We are His workmanship and we must help others know this truth applies to them also. Keep pointing to Jesus as the source of all good they see and praise in us. At some point they will also seek the power of Jesus to help them live and grow in His power. We can help this by encouraging them as they enjoy the excitement of growth in Christ.
James 1:19, Romans 12:2,
Ron,
I deeply appreciate you saying, “We must empty ourselves of self interest and allow Christ to use us.” This is very challenging for me personally, yet absolutely critical if a person is going to be of service to our Lord.
Well I just don’t know what’s the matter with you Jeff.
I’ve been working on this 43 years now, I seem to recall maybe making it one day. But not sure.
Blessings Brother,
Ron
Ha!! Thanks, Ron!
That is encouraging! 🙂
I agree with both Rich and Ron both discipleship and training as well as words and actions and the manner in which they are spoken an performed are important.
I just wish to make the point that what we speak, or how we disciple is much more effective if it flows out of who we genuinely are.
If we are living out the truth in our thoughts and actions and demeanor by example, then our words, discipleship and training are likely better received by those we instruct.
Discipleship is better caught than taught. When we can view a good though imperfect example of how our Christianity should be lived out the teaching is so much easier to understand and followed. The training is modeled and best understood by the actions and lifestyle of the trainer.
Be Blessed and follow Jesus example, and disciple others as well as be winsome to those outside the faith and trust the Lord for the results the Holy Spirit may bring. God does the real work, we just cooperate with His plans (Phillippians 2:13, 3:15-17).
“Better caught than taught.”
I like that! Thank you, Jeff.
🤗
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