Rom 8:28 — Promises

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Summary: Whether we like it or not, the question of death is lurking in the back of our mind. Having a loved one pass from this life to the next challenges everything we believe. 

What do you imagine is the best way to die? As you know from reading my last blog post, my mother passed away a few days ago. Her passing has left me with questions.

I am completely convinced that mother is in this place we call “Heaven” with our Lord Jesus. She is among friends and family that she loved here on earth and now loves them in Heaven. I have no anxiety about where she is now. But what about how she got there?

During the last four weeks of her life, she was extremely uncomfortable. The cancer that took her life had closed up the bile duct at the head of the pancreas and caused the bile to back up into her skin. This resulted in a jaundiced look and severe itching. The medicine for the itching had side effects and to protect Mom from those side effects, I advocated for restricting the use of the itch medicine to a minimum. This meant I probably caused her some suffering in her last days because the dosing of the medication was optional and wasn’t as constant as it might have been.

I knew a man named Joe who passed on to be with the Lord a few years ago. Joe was from the South and loved greasy food. Unfortunately for him, his heart didn’t like the grease and after having major heart surgery, Joe was fitted with an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator (ICD).

I remember Joe telling me what it was like to wake up after his heart had stopped when he was sleeping. The defibrillator would shock his heart back into action, and Joe would jump straight out of bed like a puppet on a string. The night he died, I am sure that the defibrillator sent him out in a “blaze of glory.” Joe’s private battle was over, but the rest of us still on this side of heaven are staring at the equivalent of Joe’s ICD. What is our shock going to be?

In his letter to the Romans, Paul writes, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). If I have a “life verse,” this one is it. God can do all things (Job 42:2) and Paul says that he works “for the good of those who love him.” How can dying with severe itching among other complications, Joe’s ICD, or without loved ones around be for our good?

The trite answer would be Isaiah 55:9 where God says through his prophet, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” A less trite answer is to look for alternative scenarios that might have been worse.

Suppose my mom had been spared from her itching but confined to a hospital bed in a long-term care facility for the last months of her life, unable to break through the fog of medication. Would she have liked that? Absolutely not! Then there is the question of our personal pride. What if Mom didn’t want us to see her debilitated? What if she were praying, “God, please don’t let my kids see me like this!”?

God has a complicated job.

How does he balance the wishes and needs of everyone when it is time to take someone home? Is there a good way to die?

Physical death is part of the Curse humanity incurred when Adam and Eve chose the Tree of Good and Evil instead of the Tree of Life. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and his resurrection gives us assurance of eternal life, but it does not guarantee a comfortable, neat death. If things don’t go the way we think they should, being angry at God doesn’t help. Neither does being angry at anyone else. We live in a broken world. A messy death should not be a surprise.

Instead of being angry or feeling guilty, perhaps the better path is to ask, “How is God using this for the good of those who love him?” Was God answering a prayer? Is he building our faith? Is he strengthening us for future challenges?

I don’t know about you, but confronted by a million questions about Mom’s life and death, I see only one place to turn; away from myself and toward the arms of Father.

Application: Faith in God is not a promise of neatness according to human standards. We should adjust our expectations accordingly. 

Food for Thought: What are the consequences of ignoring God’s promise in Romans 8:28?