And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
Summary: Paul’s instruction not to grieve the Holy Spirit is not as hard as it sounds. Our Father loves us and is a forgiving father.
To better understand this passage, I tried an experiment. “What,” I asked myself, “grieves my spirit?” The answer surprised me.
The surprise was that the answer did not involve my “rules.” For example, when my grandkids are with me, there are rules that they are supposed to follow. These are not complicated rules. They are simple things like don’t hurt each other, don’t touch the stove, and don’t put bubble soap in the backyard fountain. Simple things like that.
Being kids, they don’t always follow the rules exactly. Sometimes they get caught up in their play and forget everything else. Then grandma or grandpa has to get their attention and remind them to share toys or stop running.
What grieves my spirit is when they do something they are not supposed to do, and they appear to do it intentionally. In short, when they try and pull a fast one on Grandpa.
I suspect that God is the same. His love for us is all-encompassing. There is a tremendous latitude for our shortcomings within God’s love unless we are trying to pull a fast one on God.
Paul wrote to an audience of believers. In the first part of his letter (Ephesians 1: 3-14), he explains, in very clear language, that we all depend on Jesus for our salvation from the debt of our sins. Every day we wake up, we awaken to another day of being a child of God. We live in a world of his making under the rules he gave us millennia ago.
I don’t know about you, but most of the time, I fall short of fulfilling the “rules” Father God has laid out for me. It is not because I am trying to fail but because I am like my grandchildren. I have a short attention span, and I’m easily distracted by every shiny thing that catches my eye.
My own experience is that when I fall short this way, I don’t grieve the Holy Spirit. Instead, the Holy Spirit causes me to grieve! Convicted of my error, the Spirit points me to the right path. What grieves the Spirit is when I reject his guidance. In the next verse, Paul lists several common failings I and others are prone to indulge in. Any form of malice grieves God’s Spirit.
The Lord taught us to pray, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” for a reason (Matthew 6:12). We are to be mindful of God’s command to “love one another” at all times (John 13:34-35). Loving God above all else and each other as ourselves is the best way to keep God happy.
Application: Live as though God were watching everything you do and every thought you have.
Food for Thought: Why does being angry at someone grieve God’s Spirit?
I like your example of the “oops” and the direct disobedience. I think there is also another level to that onion, which is “previous mindset.” I have asked my oldest son many times not to leave standing water in the kitchen sink, you know, putting a bowl in the sink with water in it to let it soak, something his mother taught him to do since he was little. Many people do it. The problem for me is my cats will drink the water and get sick. I would rather he put a clean plate on top, it is much easier to clean a plate than cat sick lol. He forgets and it’s not because of malice, just upbringing; I have to change his mindset. A lot of my “oops” with the Holy Spirit have to do with mindset. This is part of “putting off the old” and “renewing of the mind” Paul writes about. God’s grace is abundant for that very reason, He knows about our mindsets and wants to lead us to align with His Will, to overcome that upbringing. But then there is a point when we know the truth and turn away from it. A place where the old self and the new self have to make a decision. When we willingly choose against the guidance of the Spirit, it grieves Him. What could have been a lesson in overcoming mindset and bringing us closer, becomes fortification in the old-self, which separates us. That grieves the Spirit. Choosing to sin.
Why does being angry at someone grieve God’s Spirit?
We can not like what someone did or said, or their motivations, without being angry. Yes, initially, feeling upset is natural, but in harboring the anger, we place ourselves above our neighbor. The Spirit won’t compete with that. That separation grieves Him, because He wants to be close to us. If we allow fear or hate to control us, we are choosing that path, and to choose that path means we are choosing not to follow God’s Will.
2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Chris,
I think you are right to compare sin to an “onion.” Not only does sin eventually make us cry but there are many layers to it. I like the Timothy reference, too. God’s Spirit gives us certain gifts. If we spurn those gives we offend the giver.
07-24-2023, Why does being angry at someone grieve God’s Spirit?
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” James 1:19–20
As the father of three, there were times when I was forced to discipline my children. I never acted in anger toward them, I always made it very clear, the discipline was the result of what they knew were disobedient acts, because I loved them. As a leader in the military as well as in business, their were times when I disciplined people for inappropriate acts, and some men I actually fired came back later and thanked me for holding them accountable, and wanted me to know how they had benefited by becoming more disciplined in their lives. In one case a mother called me and thanked me for holding her son accountable, and praised the positive changes in his life as a result of my firing him.
Jesus expressed anger toward the sins, and His anger was clearly directed at sinful behaviors of people.
Mark 3:1–5; Matthew 21:12–13; Luke 19:41–44.
Paul writes of actions which anger God:
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19–21.
‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” Romans 12:19–21.
All believers are left on earth to be used by God as a visible example of living lives separated from this world and it’s corruption, and in obedience to His will for all mankind, We are not here to pass judgement on individuals brought into our lives.
Ron,
Thank you for the real-life examples of dealing with anger-inducing situations without anger. Looking at life through God’s eyes provides us with un-worldly options for working out worldly problems. 🙂
I think it is because in my anger I not only sin and potentially give the devil a foothold into my life (Ephesians 4: 26 – 27), but in my anger I am often at least emotionally seeking the worst for my neighbor. At least in my heart. If it goes far enough, in my heart I seek to destroy that person created in the image of God when I should be seeking reconciliation (Matthew 5: 21 – 24). My anger usually does not lead me to the righteous life that God desires. It also does not usually lead me to being quick to listen (James 1: 19 – 20).
Rich,
Excellent points! Thank you! Even though we all sin, Jesus truly came to “seek and to save the lost.” (Luke 19:10)
Why does being angry at someone grieve God’s Spirit?
I don’t think being angry is what grieves the Spirit.
Remember, “in your anger do not sin” also pull in from Matthew 5:22-24, “leave your offering at the altar. First go and be reconciled”
Have you honestly attempted to reconcile? We are told to be peaceful as far as we are able or responsible. As soon as possible address the issue at hand.
What will grieve the Spirit is not our anger. But the result of unaddressed anger, and unresolved conflict due to anger.
Have you addressed your anger? Have you honestly tried to resolve the issue? If you haven’t forgotten an issue that has been addressed, are you giving it back to the Lord each time you think of it? Or do you unforgive someone? If the other person is unwilling to work through an issue, are you treating them with love or do you resent them?
The future down the list, the more variables there are. The more variables, the more one will need to clarify boundaries. Boundaries are not grudges, they are wise actions after repeated or severe breaks of trust. If boundaries became necessary, then you will struggle with remembering the pain. If you struggle with remembering the pain, then you are responsible to address the reaction of anger appropriately every single time.
I repeat. Every. Single. Time. If you don’t, then you may be taking an action that is not in line with God’s will.
Okay, take another angle. An abusive cycle, where the anger is unjust from the start, the action is unjust and ungodly, and they may apologize but there is no real repentance.
I don’t remember where this came from. I apologize if it’s wrong. But I recall being told that if you ignore the Spirit’s instructions He’ll stop talking. This in the context of obedience. If you continually refuse to obey the reminders will stop until you make a change. This is what I think of with abusers. They stopped listening to correction and until something pulls their head out of the sand they’ll keep doing their own thing….. point being, if you ignore the Spirit to that point, you would be grieving Him. (Whether it’s abuse or another ungodly action)
As to why, because of the destruction of unity and relationship.