He who loves his wife loves himself.
Summary: Love is often misunderstood because our word for love does not distinguish between things and people. Paul is teaching us the difference.
Guys have a problem. To quote an old song, we tend to look for love in “all the wrong places.” Women, too, sometimes fall into this same trap.
In our language the word “love” is so broad as to be almost worthless. The Greeks had a variety of words describing different kinds of love. They understood “love” is centered around a relationship between ourselves and something else. What that “something else” is determines the type of love we are talking about.
The problem with using only one word to describe different kinds of relationships is that we lose sight of the differences.
When we use the word “love” to describe a “thing,” we describe how that thing makes us feel. “I love my new car,” is a way of saying having a new car makes me feel good. If I say, “I loved the movie,” it means watching the movie stimulated feelings I like. The problem with this kind of love is that it is one way. It is all about what “things” do for me.
Real love, relational love, is very different.
Real love is not only about the feelings I experience, but the caring I give. People experience this kind of love with their pets. Our cat or dog “loves” us when they give us attention. We “love” them when we take care of them. It feels good to feed them and even take them to the vet because we know what we are doing is caring for our pets.
Human relationships are more complicated.
When we love another person, we are in a relationship with a “thing” like ourselves. People have similar minds and feelings, but we all have different understandings of truth and what love means. When we try and care for someone, it may go well, but we may also be misunderstood. Misunderstandings can lead to hurt, and hurt can lead to conflict.
The secret to a successful relationship with another human is to model our love for others after God’s love for us. To do this, we need to understand the difference between loving a thing like a car or a pet, and realize that loving people is much more complex and demanding. Paul describes this kind of love in his letter to the church at Corinth when he writes:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
All these things are needed to protect the feelings of the one we love. In turn, this guidance from Paul also protects us from falling into the trap of allowing misunderstandings to become hurts and hurts to become conflicts. The man who loves his wife this way is protecting his own relationship with her. By protecting the relationship, he protects himself from hurt. The man who loves his wife (agapaō) loves himself.
Application: Think about love in terms of relationships instead of feelings.
Food for Thought: What happens when we confuse the love of things for the love of our spouse?
Things come and go. Love is everlasting, timeless, and the people we love become a part of who we are.
Christ loves us, His love is timeless and everlasting. We are part of the church, and the church is the body of Christ, which means we are a part of Him. We love Christ, which means He is a part if us. I think it is the same for husband and wife. “One flesh.”
My grandma used to tell me a family is like the body, and the husband is the head. She also told me the wife is the neck (cause the head doesnt turn without the neck–Ha!).
Thanks Chris!
Your grandma was pretty smart! 🙂
“Timelessness” is an important difference. Things are temporal. Relational love is eternal. Great point!
Thanks Chris. I enjoyed reading your excellent comments, as always.
I suppose if we confuse the love of things for the love of our spouse, we might love our wife as a thing instead of as someone with whom we are “one.” She will not feel loved and cherished as she needs and as the Lord commanded us to love.
Rich,
You make an important point. How can someone feel loved if they are looked at as a “thing?” It is an important difference! Thank you!
09-16-2023, What happens when we confuse the love of things for the love of our spouse?
One will come home to an empty House.
The commands in the Bible are the standards we should seek to achieve as we walk our path in this process of transformation in Christ who did not simply speak of love, but demonstrates His love for all mankind as recorded in God’s Word. Today, He lives in all believers and today He will empower and display His love toward others as we demonstrate our love for Him in submission to His will in our lives.
Jesus Christ, Our Omnipresent, creator God John 1:1, is our definition of the Love God speaks of in our Bibles.
Love is humble, as Christ who humbled Himself and confined Himself to a physical body. Became like us, in the appearance of one of us so He could walk among and demonstrate His love for us.
Philippians 2:7, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
Jesus Christ displayed no love for things. He did not even have a pillow to lay His head on.
Luke 9:58, And Jesus said to him, “The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.”
Jesus displayed His love for mankind as He allowed His creation to physically abuse and kill Him, as He took the time to provide care for His mother, affirmed salvation to a thief and ask our Father to forgive mankind because we did not know what we were doing.
John 19:26-27, Luke 23:34, 23:43
I would suggest, the love spoken of in word and deed by Christ in our bibles has nothing to do with things, and is displayed as His people allow Him to demonstrate His love which is fully dedicated to the spiritual salvation of others, through them.
Matthew 6:19-21
Ron,
Your response today touched my heart deeply. One of the easiest things to take for granted is the value of companionship. Sometimes times are difficult, sometimes they are wonderful, but the constant during good times and bad is companionship. Your comment about coming home to an empty house is a stark reminder of how much we need companionship, and in the Christian faith, fellowship.
Great meditation Jeff. We must learn to listen to Christ in us as we live these years He has given us here on earth.
Blessings,
Ron