He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.
Summary: Paul’s summary of a godly family provides us with both a guide and a diagnostic tool.
We have already talked about what it means for an overseer to be faithful to his wife (v 2). So let’s add this to our second category of traits in the overseer job description: “Family.”
Paul lists three traits associated with family: an overseer must be faithful to his wife, he must manage his family well, and he must “see that his children obey him.” Paul adds one more caveat that we have not listed separately, but is very significant: he must do all this “in a manner worthy of full respect.”
One of the great tragedies of life occurs when a husband and father resorts to anger, threats, and physical violence to “manage his family well.” Wives and children subjected to this kind of environment end up emotionally wounded. Often, the domineering behavior of the father is echoed in the behavior of the children.
The other side of this coin is someone who is not able to manage his family at all. Does his wife respect him? Do his children listen to him? Do they do what he tells them to do? If not, these are indicators that there are problems within the family structure.
It is remarkable, really, how knowing something about a man’s family reveals so much about him. But what about men who qualify as overseers? What does their family life look like?
God’s Word provides an answer.
Perhaps the most fundamental responsibility of a parent, especially the father and husband, is to provide for their family (1 Timothy 5:8). Another fundamental of family life is to lead by example (Proverbs 20:7).
God tells us not only to keep his commandments, but to “impress them on your children” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). When a child is raised in a godly environment, their behavior reflects that all their lives (Proverbs 22:6).
The Bible has words of caution specifically for fathers, too. A loving father does not exasperate or embitter his children (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21). Instead, a father has compassion for his children just as the Lord has had compassion on him (Psalm 103:13).
In short, the man’s family is a portrait of his faith.
Application: Choose to serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).
Food for Thought: How should parents respond to disobedient children? (What kind of example has God set for us?)
How should parents respond to disobedient children? (What kind of example has God set for us?)
Looking in the Word I can see God’s consistent response to disobedience: truth, sacrificial love, and His focus on restoration rather than condemnation. The greatest example is mankind’s rebellion against God. God’s responded to our rebellion by proclaiming the truth of Himself, mankind, sin and it’s consequences, and then sending Jesus, who never sinned, to die for our sins. He did do in love so that through faith in Jesus’s sacrifice and resurrection, we can be restored to Him in Heaven, and grow to be more like Christ in this life out of gratitude and love for Him. There are numerous and incredible examples of these three attributes in the lives of nations and individuals in the Bible. I believe if we look at all the instances, we can see a pattern that God follows:
He draws the line first. He gives commands. These are more than “rules”; they are to protect our relationship with Him.
He gives warnings. He foretells and forth tells the truth to people so they can know the consequences of their actions, and He lets people know how their actions will affect their relationship with Him.
He gives forgiveness. When people recognize the truth and repent, He offers a means to restore His relationship with them.
He gives restoration. He helps us to understand how our disobedience has affected our relationship with Him so that we bind His Word to our heart. So that the truth does transform us from self-centeredness to Christ-centeredness.
All of this is done in sacrificial love. Justice would require condemnation. Instead God gives grace, He holds back His righteous wrath to allow us to return to Him. Ultimately, He gave His only Son to propitiate the righteous wrath that we deserve.
I think the difference in God’s way of responding to disobedience and mankind’s response to disobedience is that God wants our obedience to come from love and not from fear.
Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
Hebrews 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.
Chris,
You have said it very well: God focuses on truth, love, and restoration. Of course, this approach requires immense amounts of patience! 🙂
Thank you!
How should parents respond to disobedient children? (What kind of example has God set for us?)
“We Are God’s Children, the acts/thoughts of our flesh are often examples of our natural “Go Too” response to Gods will for our lives.”
1 John 3, The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are his children.
Titus 3:5, He saved us, not because of righteous things we have done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.
“God is our creator, Heavenly Father and example of parenting”
Galatians 6:7, Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what He sows.
Hebrews 12:6, Because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He chastens everyone he accepts as His son.
“ God is our example as He addresses sin in our lives. “
Isaiah 1:18, Come now, let us settle the matter, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Parents are servants of God, caring for His creations, His gifts of children. Our task is to allow God to guide us as we respond to the behavior of this gift, and guide them through the many pitfalls/traps being placed in their path by the powers of evil surrounding us all.
Thank you, Ron!
What a great perspective! The “powers of evil” you mention are very real and for the believer who relies on God we have real help with raising our kids!